Feeling love to someone is not the same as expressing it. In this world, no other word possibly sounds sweeter or greater than the word love but not every person knows to express it. Since many years ago, love had been expressed on poetry, painting, music and other arts besides saying love directly.The word “I love you” maybe rarely spoken from someone to other but they know how to express it. Love is an abstract unit that no one can define it exactly even everyday we hear this word. Some people defined it according to their mind that maybe different from other people.
A Miami hair stylist named Johnny wrote that love is the expenditure of energy on another person's behalf with no expectation of return. And also it is a simple way of looking at love in action and furthermore love is without ego.
In some communities the word love is loudly or even rarely spoken. They who intimate to word love maybe belief the power of this word and can easily say love. But for they who are rarely speak love maybe very difficult to begin; in fact, they do not understand about it.
The differences of confidence about saying love create different effect. That is why many researches try hard to make a simple definition of love. One of them; a professor of psychology at Yale, Dean Robert Sternberg turned to love as a subject of scientific inquiry. Many researches and he agreed that love is a special subject to think because of its effect to a people. In addition,love is a powerful statement and lots of times it will arouse a loving response from the recipient too. Love is between two: lover and loved.
Scientists begin to understand the chemistry and biology substances of a love. They called oxytocin, one of hormones in our blood that response to love and affection. Oxytocin active in our blood that makes us feel good when we are close to family and other loved ones.
Coincide with that discovery; some examples of loving someone else prove the distinct from love that we would normally understand it. Loving parents, for instance, means something quite different from loving books, because the former is love to a person, the latter is love to a non personal object. But both still can be interpreted as the desire to be with and care for, if we accept this as the definition of love temporarily.
No other statement would be so warm between children and parents besides love. Long time ago when we were child, family and environs everyday show their love to us but now when we are growing adult it is become strange. In this period we loss the ‘care’ from our parents and the growing of oxytocin in our blood become less and less. This is not too good to left our body grows with less of happiness.
Many families do not communicate their loving feelings very often or they communicate them in destructive ways. Many of them never heard the word love come out in their house from parents to children nor vice versa. Some; moreover, state the word love clearly to expect return so that they do not really feel the core of love itself, it becomes habitual activity that they preach to their generation.
Another fault that arise in a family sometimes saying love together with negative sentences; for example, a mother says “I love you” to a child then add that statement with “but your room is a mess”. This kind of conversation is confusing and manipulative for children, it shows that mother do not realize that this treatment can affect badly to her child. So it needs a start for parents to treat their children in better way that can calm their mind then do best things for them back.
Conversely children also have a role to give return of their parents’ love which is now seldom found. Parental relation is the most closely between people because there is genetic substance on both parents and children. It is about the reciprocity between parents to children or vice versa. Love is between two: the lover and loved.
As what happens to mother and her child when they are hugging each other; the oxytocin becomes higher, this also happens to couple. In couple relation, love tells sexual meaning of man and woman. It is about desire, want, and care which unite both. They want to have special care from someone else and decide one of them to be couple. In this relation also needed development to keep the feeling high although sometimes that feeling may up and down.
For couple who are very busy in daily maybe do not have enough time to understand other, or even just listen without giving solution because there is so much matter in the brain to think. This is not good because the core of love feeling can decrease day by day and then they will face quarrel. In this period they may conscious that their relationship needs help. Of course there are many ways to defend it, and each couple has their own ways. Once in a while they need to spend their time together, this will bring their togetherness back then it is reasonable to maintain the feeling because they are a couple.
Not only a parental and couple relations, Dr. Light said in News in Health column that love and affection can have many positive effects, both mental and physical, that have been linked to the hormone oxytocin, but also love between friends.
Even the degree is not as high as parental or couple affair because there are no genetics substances or sexual needs on them. But turn to the feeling of love is to care each other, friendship also a part of significant love in this world. Who does not want to have many friends? No one wants because everybody needs to have partner to share their feeling, to share what they experience and think.
Dr. C. Sue Carter, co-director of the Brain Body Center at the University of Illinois at Chicago explained, “Most of us are genetically programmed to form social bonds,” even there is no genetically relationship. She explained that the result comes back to people that is the ability to form close bonds which is shaped by early experiences. Like parental and couple relation, friendship also; of course, needs development to keep their unity.
Love is a power to unite, it is a complex interaction of genes and experience that makes some people form social bonds more easily than others, to be close each other and solve any problems. As written in News in Health column:
“...We may not yet fully understand how love and affection develop between people or how love affects our health but research is giving us some guidance. Give those you love all the affection you can. It can’t hurt, and it may bring a bounty of health benefits.”
Probably we do not realize how the word love can influence our life but we feel it consciously, we feel the affects of love to our body mind.
Love needs properly maintaining its loving feelings between one and another person, it is important to show them that you care about them in many ways that they will understand and appreciate it. In the love contains positive substance called oxytocin that does more than makes us feel happy but it also lowers the levels of stress hormone, reduces blood pressure, improves mood, increases tolerance for pain and even it plays an important role in our relationship about how much we trust other. (oyin)
Source:
- Saying "I LoveYou" by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
- TUFTS MAGAZINE SPRING 2007 VOL. XIV, NO. 3
- www.rug.nl/filosofie/GRIPh/workingpapers
- National Institutes of Health • Department of Health and Human Services • newsinhealth.nih.gov (February 2007)
- Oyin.
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